Dating is a Game

A few excerpts from The Playbook: It's All a Game Until You Get Married:

The reason so many women don’t play the game well is many times they don’t even realize it is a game. Many women say I don’t play games, I’m just me and to them I say: you are already playing the game whether you realize it or not and you’re probably losing. Lest you think playing games is only for manipulative bitches, understand that men are already aware of everything I‘m saying. Men have looked at dating as a sport for some time now. They refer to being good with women as “having game”, when they have sex with a woman they “scored” or if they didn’t they “struck out”, when a man prevents another man from getting with a woman its “blocking”, and if a man succeeds in marrying a beautiful woman she’s considered his “trophy wife”.

There was a time when the game was only played for a short time before two people were married (and social norms prevented a woman from giving too much too soon anyway). But in this day and age men and women are waiting longer and longer to get married, extending the playing time of the game even more. Too many women are getting hurt and/or taken advantage of because they are not equipped to go toe to toe with men that have been brushing up on their skills for years. Yes it is all a game ladies and it’s time we start brushing up on our skills. 


Most women don’t like the term game as it relates to dating. Many feel it denotes manipulation and trickery. They say a man should love them for who they are and they should be able to be open and honest in a relationship. What these women don’t realize is the vast majority of men are already playing games. On purpose. There are books, articles, and websites all dedicated to making a man better at playing the game and getting what they want…from you. Men talk to each other and give tips and advice on how to get what they want from women. And what do you think men are playing these games to get from a woman? I’ll give you a hint; it’s not her hand in marriage. Men want sex. Men want the upper hand. Men want the occasional home cooked meal and soft touch but men don’t want to be tied down to one woman. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s just the average man’s ideal. The same way the average woman’s ideal is to have a man fall madly in love and commit to only her without having to do much more than “be herself”. Alas, it is not that easy. But men have accepted they cannot put all their cards on the table. They understand that it would be counterproductive to their ultimate goal. Men know they can’t just say: 

I want to have sex with you. I want you to be there when I want you, but I want to give up as little as possible when it comes to time, money and effort. And I certainly don’t want to give up my freedom to see other women, just in case there’s another woman out there that’s better than you.

  That wouldn’t go over well and most men have the common sense to not say it. They don’t feel they are being denied their right to be themselves. They don’t complain about playing games and not being able to be open and honest. They don’t claim it’s childish or unfair. What do they do? They do what works.  

From The Playbook: It's All a Game Until You Get Married now available on Amazon and Barnesandnoble.com

What's Your Blog About Again?

When I set out to create my own blog I had to think long and hard about exactly what I had to say. What do I have to offer the world that warrants creating an ongoing blog and actually expecting people to be interested? As a writer-and self-proclaimed know-it-all- I am rarely at a loss for words, but the ability to write and the ability to write something worth reading are not exactly one in the same. In a quest to find my blogging “voice” I pondered the old adage “to write well you must write what you know”. I tend to think I’m right about most things I have an opinion on so I guess I have that to offer. I recently published my first book The Playbook: It’s All a Game Until You Get Married in which I condense the hard earned lessons of women all over the country-myself included- into a concise, easy-to-read dating manual (none of that “tell him how you really feel” s@%t). I guess I have some pretty strong views on men and the whole dating game so I will probably touch on that.  What else do I have to offer? What other opinions or perspectives can I present to you, the reader, which would be novel or beneficial? As I write this I am taking inventory of my recent thoughts in the hopes of finding a revelation worth sharing. This is what I have come up with so far:

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1. Do not proudly announce you are going vegetarian if you’re not willing to commit. Someone will call you out on it-probably while you’re scarfing down a hamburger at a cook-out or after you absent-mindedly posted that you were making Curry Chicken on your Facebook page.
2. Old people get on my nerves. No explanation. They just do.
3. Katy Perry’s song E.T. is f#%king awesome and Rihanna’s video for “Man Down” is brilliant.
4. It’s quite possible that I love food more than sex. Don’t ask how I came to that conclusion.
5. Despite my love for food…I really really love sex.

This is only a handful of the deep, philosophical ponderings I would like to explore with you- most of them being about food and sex (and my dislike of old people).

 The reality is, in addition to being a twenty-something “know-it-all”, I’m also a little neurotic and a lot of quirky. I would just like to share my perspective and experiences with the world in the hopes that I’m not alone. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining about my neurosis. As a matter of fact, I have this handy little disorder called ADD that affords me a prescription to a drug called Adderall-trust me when I tell you this stuff is a dieter’s dream. Not that I’m advocating drugs use to lose weight. Just saying. Even though, in my case, drugs might be a safer way for me to lose weight than leaving me to my own devices. Only a couple of weeks ago while I was on the Lemonade Diet, which is basically a fast, I used so much salt in my salt water flush that I made myself sick and spent the entire morning researching iodine poisoning because, deep down, I thought I might die. Lesson learned.

Anyway, what were we talking about? Right, what is my blog going to be about? That’s a good question.